The Cheetah Girls 2: DVD Review

You would think that a porno would be easy to follow even if it is the second installment in a girl on girl group movie. Apparently The Cheetah Girls 2: Cheetah-Licious Edition DVD was much more complicated than I thought. I was all set to enjoy a lovely evening of watching pron! I watch porn like any other American. There I was with my face four inches from the screen sitting on a stainless steel lawn chair, while wearing a scarf, and holding a copy of the Qur’an for clean up. Afterward I usually eat a cheeseburger. It doesn’t get any more American than that.

It turns out that it wasn’t porn.

I don’t know what it was. It wasn’t a movie in my opinion. And yes, I did watch the whole thing. About five minutes into the movie I was over the fact that it wasn’t an adult piece of art and more of a preteen douche bag instructional video. After some intense research I discovered that the Cheetah Girls are a Disney abomination. HOLY FUCK! I was watching a Disney movie. That’s when I realized what was really going on. DISNEY SELLS FAUX KIDDIE PORN! I’m not even kidding. It’s not even fucking funny. Disney is selling four pieces of jail bait under the guise of an all female pop singing group. Here is the proof. For fuck sakes the name Cheetah Girls belongs in the adult entertainment industry no questions asked. All that the little bitches wear is shinny tight clothes except for the fat one. She wears several layers to cover her physical downfalls. I think she was Rudy on the Cosby Show. Anyway, all these bitches do for the entire movie is complain, sing, cry, sing, dance, sing, and perform self-induced abortions. It gets kind of competitive with the abortions. I have never seen so many aborted fetuses in a single movie.

Rudy Hugstable? I think that was her name. Anyway turns out her real name is Raven Simon. Maybe its Seymoan. Whatever the fuck it is she sucks and she is gaining LBs by the second. She needs to call Tony Little. So I was watching this ass-fuck of a movie and I realized that even the director saw how much of a fat mess this kid was. Every dance scene, fast walk to the train shot, every walk from the balcony, and every self-enduced abortion scene had a clever way of covering up her fat ass and F.U.P.A.

So here is Disney’s marketing formula that is used to hijack your kids minds into thinking some other kid is the greatest thing since Crystal Pepsi. First, they get some kids that are already polluted by their child star coaching fuck-stick parents. Next, Disney hires shiny, happy, sweetie pie writers to create a script capable of setting a bible on fire by simply being placed next to it. Is it good or evil? You don’t know. Now that they have their script ready for suppository like injection, Disney then hires 43,239 lawyers to draft contracts for the actors and their degenerate parents slash managers. Next up: Advertisement. Disney will dump the gross national product of an eastern European country on advertising. They will advertise the shit out of…shit. You will see the same shit product so many times at such a frequency that you will have no choice but to buy shit. So now, Disney has the actors, the contracts, the lawyers, the advertising, and the suppository script it is time to execute. They make shows, movies, webisodes, coloring books, makeup kits, special edition Mac and Cheese, and so on all centered around absolute shit.

In conclusion, this movie was not a porn so it was not good. Also, Rudy Hugstable is fat.

North American Scum; THAT’S ME!

Permalink:Youtube

North American Scum by LCD Soundsystem

OMFG! Iamsofuckingcool.com Hat and T-Shirt. You can’t fucking handle this.

Buy this shit now.

Everything sold is sold at cost. Thanks to cafepress.com for being fucking shit bags and marking everything up so I can’t make a profit. I literally make $0.00 on everything sold here. FUCK!