A contest is brewing.

On January 1, 2009 be here. The greatest contest to ever be held on the interwebs will begin. Anyone can enter, anyone can win.

This is going to be so fucking cool. FUCKING EPIC!@!@$#

Contest Starts:  January 1, 2009

Ends:  January 15, 2009

After Dec 30, 2008 you can send submissions to god@iamsofuckingcool.com or

enter using the web form at http://www.iamsofuckingcool.com/cfp2009/

All entries will we be accepted. Only 100 entries will be eligible for voting.

Online public voting begins January 15, 2009.

Pregnant chicks need love too

I, Chet Bolten, banged a pregnant chick last night. Some people would say that banging a single pregnant broad is kind of cheating. Especially for me since I am so fucking good looking and not mention how cool I am. Anyway, I meet this nappy chick with the low center of gravity at work. She was in her typical office attire and was doing her daily office routine when I bumped into her. She told me that there was a rumor going around that someone wants to go out with me…the Chet. I said no shit everyone wants to go out with me, even the queers in shipping and receiving. I knew right away what she meant by that comment. I knew she wanted some Chet and I was going to deliver. Pregnant or not, turning down a woman begging for sex is like…I don’t know, it’s like being gay.
Anyway, she is descent looking and I had a twelve pack in the truck so off we went. I asked her if she would like to get some food or something which of course she did. We ended up at a bar called Buffalo Moes where we started eating and drinking the night away. Someone later on that night told me that pregnant women should not drink. So to inform all of you liberal child protection advofags, she only had ten beers…light beers. So after a few hours of what I like to call foreplay, we went back to my place and I took care of business. It was amazing for her. My only problem was that she didn’t shave her legs. Actually she hasn’t shaved her legs in about three months. I told her that shit was nasty and kicked her out of the house.
And that’s it. I banged a preggers, got some, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to have a kid named after me.

My Book is way Fuckin Cooler than your Book

Like other internet sensations I too have a new book soon to be released. This book will guide the common man on the path to Maximum Coolness™. I suggest not buying this book unless you know you are ready. Like a religion, coolness can alter the way you comprehend life and handle certain situations. For example, if you were approached on the street by two female muggers you would hand over all of your possessions and cry like a little bitch. Once you have read this book the situation would turn out more in your favor and with much more leztastic action.

If you have not gotten my first book you need to get it immediately.