An open letter to Tony Little

FROM THE DESK OF THE COOLEST M.O.F.O. YOU HAVE EVER READ ABOUT

CHET BOLTEN

Dear Tony,

I wanted to write to you and apologize in advance for some comments I made about you on my website. Sometimes I put myself on a pedestal and forget to acknowledge the accomplishments of people that are not nearly as cool as me. The comments I am referring to on my site, iamsofuckingcool.com, are as follows:

• I took a picture of you off of the interwebs and labeled you a douche.
• I said that you should impale yourself on an inferior product to the Gazelle called the Nordic Track.

As you can see these comments are cruel and somewhat impossible due to the Nordic track’s very blunt extremities. I just want you to know that I will not take down the picture or the comments but I feel a little bad for writing them. Also, I hope you understand that using a Gazelle to construct a catapult is my idea and I will seek legal action if you try to copy it.

Anyway, I hope you forgive me and you keep making those very motivating infomercials. I applaud any man that makes an effort to eliminate the amount of fattys we have walking this obese country of ours. YOU CAN DOOOWIT!!

Love,

Chet Bolten

Iamsofuckingcool.com