Buy this shit now.

Everything sold is sold at cost. Thanks to cafepress.com for being fucking shit bags and marking everything up so I can’t make a profit. I literally make $0.00 on everything sold here. FUCK!

This guy is a fine American. We need more people like this fella discussing the truly important issues in this world on the interwebs. Check it out here>>

Making something not cool into something cool can be done easily. Just add a tattoo.

This guy is cool.

FROM THE DESK OF THE COOLEST M.O.F.O. YOU HAVE EVER READ ABOUT

CHET BOLTEN

Dear Tony,

I wanted to write to you and apologize in advance for some comments I made about you on my website. Sometimes I put myself on a pedestal and forget to acknowledge the accomplishments of people that are not nearly as cool as me. The comments I am referring to on my site, iamsofuckingcool.com, are as follows:

For years I have passed by hockey games on TV. Until now. Today I saw a hockey highlight reel online and really liked it. Watching some cromagnum man pummel some dude into the boards for the first time is better than spitting your first lugger off the top of a building. That’s pretty fucking cool in my book. Hockey is cooler than shooting a potato gun for the first time. It’s even cooler then the feeling you get after getting an A on an exam after spending twenty minutes preparing to cheat for it.

You can find an answer to all of your questions on the internet.

Here is a related video to this link. Enjoy.

2Girls1Cup

Home shopping is the latest craze right now and it is pretty fucking cool. All you have to do is watch TV and use the phone. BOOM! you have cool shit coming right to the front door of your trailer.

Like other internet sensations I too have a new book soon to be released. This book will guide the common man on the path to Maximum Coolness™. I suggest not buying this book unless you know you are ready. Like a religion, coolness can alter the way you comprehend life and handle certain situations.

The coolest fucking comments for this week

There have been a lot of questions about the seriousness, velocity, depth, and aquisistion of my coolness the past two days. Well my minons, I will answer your questions in the order recieved in yet another cool fucking update.